Unique Barrie Centre Helps Grieving Children
Bears That Care
NEWS Dec 22, 2002 Huntsville Forester
The Grieving Children at Seasons Centre in Barrie will be the recipient of numerous Bears that Care, courtesy of The Barrie Advance and our advertisers.
Susan Laycock, executive director of the Centre, is thrilled that the bears are being donated to help children. “You have really made our Christmas,” she told The Advance. The Centre likes to present a bear to children when they arrive, and this year, they were running short.
The Centre has another fund-raising event coming up. On Tuesday, Dec. 31, the Grieving Children at Seasons Centre, will hold what it hopes to be the first of many annual Campbell Soup to Warm the Soul, fund-raisers.
Campbell’s Soup, Stewart Food Service and Water Depot have eagerly partnered with the Centre to provide Barrie’s New Year’s Eve celebrants with a warm mug of soup, during this year’s Downtown Countdown at City Hall. All proceeds from this belly-warming event will go directly to grieving children. “We are really hoping that this becomes a significant and annual event for the Centre. This year we are hoping to sell approximately 4,000 bowls. That’s a lot of soup,” quips Susan Laycock.
The Centre also hopes to not only support its current children but to also divert some of the funds into the “house fund,” that has already been so generously supported by Canadian Country Music singer Jason McCoy’s, famous head-shaving escapade.
Various events, which will include the favoured toe-tapping sounds of Blue Rodeo, will take place on this final evening of 2002. For a mere $3, the hot soup can offer the opportunity to warm young souls and to make a difference in the lives of so many children.
The Seasons Centre supports children who have endured traumatic and life-altering losses. When Laycock took over as the Center’s executive director in 2001, she realized that empowering other communities to create additional Centres, would require the Seasons Centre’s diligence in, “getting the word out that something like this was available.”
After approaching McCoy to be an honourary chairperson, the Seasons Centre was thrilled when he approached them this past October, with the idea of shaving his head in an effort to raise funds for the group.
“He is a fantastic representative for this agency and we have a very good relationship with Jason. He is a terrific guy with a very big heart. He just said ‘Gee, why don’t I get my head shaved and raise some money for you guys,’ and that was it,” Laycock said with a smile.
The price on McCoy’s head at the Corral Country Roadhouse in Barrie that evening, was in excess of $31,000, 20 percent of which went to the RVH Regional Cancer Unit, and the remainder was designated to the Seasons Centres’ capital campaign fund. This fund it is hoped will raise enough money to purchase a home for the Seasons Centre. “We want a home of our own, much like the Dougy Centre in Portland, Oregon, where we were trained. This facility would enable us to further train other towns in supporting their children.
“Our programs have increased by 50 percent over the last year and we are currently running at full capacity. We would also really like a backyard for the teens,” says Laycock, who explains that it is always easier to have a conversation with someone when you are shooting a few basketballs, as opposed to “sitting eyeball to eyeball with someone.”
McCoy’s visit to the Corral not only raised awareness for the Centre’s existence, but it also raised enough money to essentially buy the first room of their future home. “We are very excited about this and would like to put Jason’s name on this room. Thanks to ongoing support, the Centre has had a lot of interest from other towns wanting to start up Centres of their own,” Laycock notes. Between 1995 and 2001 The Seasons Centre for Grieving Children has supported over 800 children and their parents and caregivers throughout Simcoe, Bruce and Grey Counties and the greater Toronto area.
While the Centre does not do counselling or therapy, it does offer a strong support system and is currently Canada’s only support for grieving children. “It is like a Big Brothers organization, only for grieving children,” Laycock notes.
Increased energy levels, an increased need for comfort or physical contact, age regression such as thumb sucking or a continual need to be near the surviving parent, in addition to changes in eating and sleeping patterns, as well as sadness and anger, are just a few of many reactions to death. A variety of activities within the walls of the Seasons Centre offer these children and their families the ability to release excess energy and uncomfortable feelings, in a controlled and safe environment.
In addition to the organization’s strong support system, the children can address several issues while expressing them through constructive and creative dress up and role-playing, arts and crafts and games. The “splash and bash,” room is a popular area where the children may release their emotions by throwing paint or plasticine at the walls. The Volcano Room offers these children the freedom to express themselves, as well as the opportunity to release energy while they throw lightweight and brightly-coloured balls, smack a punching bag around and literally climb the walls on a climbing apparatus.
While some of the Centre volunteers do hold masters degrees in social work, many are former children who have themselves suffered devastating losses and due to the lack of adequate support available to them at the time, they know first hand the importance of connecting with others.
“As a society, we tend not to talk about death when we are around children. We want to do the best for them. We want to spare their feelings and to protect them, but typically adults who have experienced loss as children, will say that they wish that people had talked to them about it,” Laycock notes.
Depending on the circumstances surrounding the death of a loved one, the grieving process can be quite different. The Seasons Centre has several programs in place to address a variety of situations and emotions.
This includes a pre-death, group called What About Me?
This group assists those children who are in the process of losing a parent or sibling to a terminal illness.
Siblings may also be divided into separate programs such as Sibs and Friends, which helps children through the loss of a sibling and likewise, the sons and daughters and parents group do the same. The Centre also supports children who have suffered loss through murder or suicide. Laycock affirms that because they are all different grieving experiences, there are various and very different issues such as anger and confusion, which can be involved beyond the “normal,” grieving process.
Getting through all of the dreaded “firsts” can be especially difficult during an emotional season such as Christmas. With this understanding, the Centre continues to offer its support to the children and their families.
An annual Christmas party for the Children that is unlike any other, begins with a memorial service. Anyone who so wishes is invited to have their loved one’s photo added to the Centre’s picture wall.
During the memorial service, these photos are initially placed on a table, after which individuals who wish to participate are invited and called upon by name to light a candle for their loved one, whose name is also spoken. The candles remain lit until the ceremony has ended.
This memorial is followed by a craft period after which Santa has always made an appearance and presented each child with a gift.
“Children can feel very guilty about being kids at Christmas-time if there is a death in their family, particularly that year. They feel that being excited about celebrating and receiving gifts is not acceptable. By allowing them the opportunity to recognize and pay tribute to their loved one and then almost give them permission to go back to being a kid again, it gives the children and their families the opportunity to express the fact that Christmas is a difficult time,” says Laycock.
While she feels that society is not always compelled to understand grief or to allow for undefined timelines through the entire process, Laycock also explains that this Christmas celebration at the Centre provides a much-needed forum for a bereaved individual to recognize their loved one again and to let that “be okay.”
“Here it’s okay. You can recognize that person again and express the fact that Christmas is now a difficult time in your life because you no longer have that husband or that child. Combining the ceremony with Santa allows for that expression to be felt,” Laycock notes.
While Laycock agrees that the loss itself and the loss of what feels “normal,” is, unfortunately, something that one never “gets over,” she also notes that with the right support a “new normal,” can be reached and these children will be able to smile and live again.
The Grieving Children at Seasons Centre is located at 4 Alliance Blvd., in Barrie. For more information on the Centre, visit http://www.seasonsCentre.com or call Susan Laycock at 721-KIDS (5437).
